This morning I had a routine dental check-up scheduled. So I thought I would leave the kids at home with their school books (my oldest can babysit now!) and planned to do some writing after my appointment and lunch. But now that I’m here at the café, I feel I should be at home, working on my to-do list I made this morning.
Yesterday, I tried to get to my writing, but had a list of things to do before I could get to my laptop. By the time I finished my list I was too tired and just curled up with a book instead. Not bad, but not the same as writing.
My oldest is in high school now and her school days are long. And since I homeschool her, my days are long. After school, it’s dinner time and clean up. My oldest two take turns loading the dishwasher and washing up, but I have the toddler to entertain until she goes to bed while my hubby does his homework. By the time the little one is in bed and I’ve folded some laundry or read the mail, I’m tired and feel my creative brain cells are gone and don’t try to write much except maybe an email.
For the last few weeks, since school started, I have this relentless war inside my soul. When I’m teaching or doing housework, I long to write. When I get the chance to write, I think about all the other things I should be doing.
I did do some writing today (you’re now reading it) and read a few articles in The Writer Magazine. Then I did something else for myself today. Across the street and down a block from the café is a massage parlor that I had passed weeks earlier when it was closed. I decided to splurge a whole ten bucks on a chair massage.
Boy did I need it, too. My neck and shoulders were very tight. I feel much better about having done it and have a better perspective and figured whatever I didn’t get done today, I’d just do tomorrow. Right? And then I went to get my haircut because school wasn’t out in our area and I thought I probably won’t have a long wait.
So, I went from feeling guilty to feeling great with a massage and a haircut. And when I got home, I did most of the things on my list because I felt better and got in some writing time. Life doesn’t always work out this way, but today it did and I’m grateful.
How about you? Have you internal wars you struggle with? Did you feel guilty about doing something for yourself and then grateful later? Feel free to share them in the comments.